” Do you make regular visits to yourself?” Rumi  
I have been thinking a lot about becoming ones own best friend. What does this really mean? When we pay attention to our inner dialogue we often find that we are not being very kind to ourselves. We may say things like, ” Your not good enough!” “who do you think you are to try such and such?” “How stupid can you be?” on and on. You get the point. We are usually our most awful critic! We beat our selves up for mistakes, failures, how could we etc. To become ones own best friend is when we begin to notice that inner voice and change the script. So how do we actually do that? The first thing is to become aware of it. Once you shine the light on it you can begin to notice it and ask, ” Is this a true statement?” Usually, it is not! It may have been something we picked up along the journey of life. Possibly someone said this to us or we thought they thought that. Whatever the situation may be, it is time to change the inner dialogue and become our own best friend. Think about how a best friend would respond to you. Would they actually say all of these unkind statements? No, or they wouldn’t be your best friend. They would probably tell you don’t worry about it. We all make mistakes, or you’ve got this! Of course you can do such and such. Can you imagine being able to acess this inner voice and say this to yourself? One way is to begin journaling. You can journal with the beginning statement I am is enough…….I am……. or maybe begin with asking your inner voice to come to you by saying, I need you…….write to yourself in a loving way. It might say “I am right here.” Write exactly what you would like to hear a loving, best friend tell you. Turn toward that loving prescence and feel it supporting you telling you, ” I’m right here, I’ve got you.” You can ask or tell them everything and know you will be supported and loved. Holding your own pain with love and compassion will open up space for all of your feelings. Getting in touch with your body and feelings allows you to change your brain. The science and research of neuroplasticty supports this. When you bring in self compassion and mindfulness you might here your inner voice telling you yes, this is hard right now, I’m so sorry, what do you need right now? Writing to yourself in this compassionate way can create radical changes in your mindset.

Another way to find that best friend within is when you are feeling overwhelmed or in pain bringing your hands to your heart and taking some deep breaths. Touch your heart so you can get in touch with what your body is feeling and release the oxytocin. You can say,” It’s okay, I am here for myself.” By bringing mindfulness in and recognizing that this is the way it is and the going to self compassion you can ask is there anyway I can help while recognizing that this is the way it is now. By accepting ourselves as we are with tenderness we can bring a healing energy and then know what action we need to take.

What we practice we become. What we practice grows stonger. Practice self compassion, become your own best friend and from there you can come to the world in a new way of being. By giving your self permission to be human you will give that to others as well. By accepting yourself in all of your beautiful wonderment of being alive here and now you will find you give that to others as well. It comes full circle. Begin with yourself, now, today, become your own best friend. Tell me how that is for you. I would love to hear.

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