I just got off the phone with my group of women that I have been sharing this Positive Psychology journey with from the start. They are my beautiful soul sisters who have been studying, applying, teaching these concepts for several years now. We have been talking every two weeks for several years and rarely miss a beat that is how important it is to all of us. Why is it so important? I think not only because it has created a sense of community for all of us, which is one of the components to being happy, but it has provided a safe space where we can share, actively listen to each other, strength spot, encourage, know and be known. We have created a safe haven where we can be vulnerable with each other and honest and know we will not be judged for our failures ( which by the way are always good for you – Learn to Fail or Fail to Learn….) or our insecurities ( which we all have) but we will be given our fifteen minutes to truly be heard. I find this space so interesting and would like to challenge myself to create more of them for myself.
Today we discussed letting go of control which had a variety of meaning for all of us; however, the same truth seemed to shine through for all……Trust, Love, accepting ourselves for who we are – a strong dose of Permission to be Human.
Brene Brown, in an article one of my beautiful soul sisters shared with us, said,
“Taking off the armor and putting down the weapons requires us to find the courage to be vulnerable and imperfect. It means showing up even when I’m not comfortable or sure. It means trying new things even though I feel awkward and uncool. Growing into my gifts has meant rediscovering creativity.
We have all felt “awkward and uncool” at some point in our lives! One woman recently was telling me how she got off Facebook because not only was it taking up too much of her precious time with her family but it was creating tremendous amounts of social comparison. She expressed how she was never part of the “cool” group in high school and still felt so left out on Facebook. Good for her for knowing how to create boundaries for herself, give herself self-compassion, and give herself more “time affluence” by getting off of social media which can eat up so many hours without even knowing it! She was able to prioritize and know her sons and husband were more important to her than Facebook.
Today we talked about releasing the pleasing. So often we go around pleasing everybody else and forgetting who we are. It’s not selfish to know you need some self-care. It’s not selfish to know that you count too. It’s not selfish to fulfill yourself as well as take care of others. To often, as women especially but I think men experience this too, we ignore our own needs for the sake of pleasing everyone else around us. I have discovered over time that when I take care of my own needs and happiness so much else falls into place and “my people” are happier around me.
One of my beautiful souls said, “You don’t have to be perfect to be happy.” She shared how Brene Brown said that when you are wanting to control everything around you and be a perfectionist you are often times avoiding the painful emotions of shame, blame, judgement. I will add fear to that mix. Often when I want to control a situation it comes from fear. I have learned over the years that this rarely works or does much for anybody. When I go into this space I now say Let Go Let God. It has helped me numerous times to know I am not in control, this is a bigger universe than I can perceive, people have their own journeys to go on, and I should just stay in my lane! The journey of happiness/positive psychology is one we work everyday. We try to savor our precious moments. We try to appreciate the good and than the good appreciates. We live in Gratitude each and every day. We ended with the serenity prayer which was the perfect morsel for this conversation. Throughout the day we all felt empowered, loved, seen and heard. I wish for all of you to find a group like my beautiful souls. If you have any questions on how you might begin one I would be more than happy to share. For now, what three things are you grateful for ? Every night take a moment and write them down. Really feel them, savor those moments, change them up each night and you will begin to see a positivity boost from doing so.
Releasing control to the universe, standing in the space of uncertainty and knowing this to shall pass or it will all work out as it should, can lift a tremendous burden off of each and every one of us. Trust – Love – Accept what is and surrender – Love yourself with all of your perfect imperfections.