Valentines Day is a sweet day during the month of February when we tell our loved ones how much we care. I actually believe everyday should be Valentines Day in one way or another. In order for relationships to grow and thrive we need to pay attention to them. We often are so busy in our lives we tend to forget about the small niceties and focusing on those whom are most important to us. We miss so many opportunities to connect, to appreciate, to be grateful for what we have. We are either so busy with our to do lists, our shoulds, work, computers, tv or iPhones we often feel we have no time or not enough time to spend with our loved ones. By looking at our time management in a new way we can often shift and prioritize what is most important to us as we add things to our lives. When you are single you can spend many hours working and going out with friends. Add a relationship to that and/or children and your priorities and time need to shift so you can incorporate time for it all. Being creative and looking at ways to keep our relationships intimate, loving and caring might take some thought. Here are a few suggestions:
- Prioritize what is most important to you
If your relationship is important to you than you need to carve out some time for it. Makes sense right? How about one night a week as date night? How about a Sunday morning breakfast where you can truly spend some time together? It might even be possible to meet for lunch once in awhile during the week just to change things up a bit. Looking at what you can delegate to others or hire help for might free up some time for you. Do you really need to bring work home or check that email feed one more time? Would it be fun to cook dinner together as an activity and make that a time to talk and connect?
2. Learn to say No
Sometimes all we need to do is learn to say NO to one more commitment. One more committee or night out might not be the best for nurturing your own relationship. We often fill our lives up with so many commitments and keep ourselves so busy we often do not have time for each other. Do less not more.
3.Keep in Touch
One month I gave myself a 30 day challenge to text something loving or something I appreciated about my husband every day. It not only got me to focus on what was working in our relationship it made him feel very loved. We continue to text or call during the day just to touch base or hear each others voices. These are not long drawn out conversations mind you just a check in and how are you doing calls. It keeps us connected. Another way to keep in touch is to literally touch. 🙂 Hugging for a few minutes before you part in the morning releases the feel good hormone dopamine and allows you to feel connected. Holding hands is another way. Truly listening and not interrupting allows you to be present to your loved one sharing your stories of the day or interesting things with each other. This is not a time to complain and get all your frustrations out. If you have a need to do this give yourself a time limit and than move on to what’s going well in your life. This will help you refocus as well as your partner.
4. Appreciate the small things
Whatever you appreciate appreciates so pay attention, say thank you often. I often would think something and not say it out loud but realized my husband was not a mind reader! I needed to say thank you for doing such and such, how thoughtful it was of you to do this or that on and on. Pay attention! Adding play and laughter into your days helps lighten the mood for everyone involved.
Everyday should be Valentines Day. Everyday we should tell the person we love that we love them. Everyday we should hug or hold hands. Everyday we should try to enjoy some time together if even just for a few moments. It’s often the little things that show our love for one another every day not just Valentines Day. If nothing else begin each day with a long hug and end each day sharing what you are grateful for. It all helps to make each other feel loved and appreciated which is what we all are looking for. Please add any comments or suggestions below how you keep your loving relationships thriving and growing and feeling connected.
i saw a couple on the train the other morning – both looking at their phones. The guy says to the girl “are you mad at me”?, while he’s looking at his phone. She says something (I couldn’t hear – but she didn’t look away from her phone either). Is this what relationships are about now? People talking to each other while not actually looking at each other or both having ear buds in their ears and not really listening to each other? Sad world.
Sherri thank you for sharing your observation. It would be a good idea if people would take a break from their phones and really look at each other. 🙂 Especially when they are asking the question ” Are you mad at me?” Would be nice if they could provide the safe space for a real answer and a time to truly connect.